


18 Days

by I_Ship_It_21



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Alcohol, Cheating, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-03 21:58:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10976151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Ship_It_21/pseuds/I_Ship_It_21
Summary: 'Cause it's been eighteen days since I last held you....





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly I don't in any way support or think that cheating is okay! Secondly, thank you for reading!

_It was almost Mother's Day so Alex and his mother went to lunch with his grandma, aunt, and cousins before going to visit his great grandma. While at his great grandma's his cousins were talking about how that night they were all going to one of their houses tonight to stay over and ‘party’ when they invited Alex to join them, which he agreed to because he hadn't spent time with them in forever._

_They got to his middle cousin, Jamie's house and all went inside, instantly breaking out weed, music, and alcohol. In the house was Alex, his oldest cousin Lynn, middle cousin Jamie, youngest cousin Melanie, and Melanie's boyfriend Jack; all of which were older than Alex. Alex had always gotten along better with his cousins than anyone else in his family, the four of them stuck together, which is why they knew about him, Justin, and the problems they had been having lately. Alex was tired with Justin constantly ignoring him and pretending he doesn't exist unless they're alone, and sometimes that's even pushing it. It wasn't rare for Justin and Alex to be alone together and Justin to still ignore Alex, either by constantly being on his phone, playing games or texting, or him playing video games and Alex didn't know how much more he could take, so he told his cousins because they had more experience with dating than he did._

_“What do I do?” He asked._

_“_ _For now, you drink,” Lynn said. “_

_But what about later?” He whined._

_“_ _Later you talk to him, tell him how you're feeling,” Melanie chimed in._

_“Yeah, don't do what I'm doing,” Jamie, who's currently having close to the same problems with her boyfriend, said._

_“As I said, for now you drink!” Lynn said, pouring shots for all of them. They all took the shots, chasing it with Redbull._

_It was just the five of them for awhile, talking, dancing and singing, before one of Jamie's friends and one of Melanie's friends showed up, Evan and Carrie. Everything was calm until they ran out of Redbull, and needed to go to the store, however at 1 am not many places were open._

_“We have to go to Walmart then,” Jamie said._

_“Who's going?” Lynn asked._

_“Obviously me,” Evan said, him being the only entirely sober one, “but who's coming with me?”_

_“Alex, you should go,” his cousins pushed, he thought it was because he was mostly sober, only having taken two shots and three hits._

_“Okay, I guess I'll go,” he said._

_Him and Evan left to go to Walmart, making small talk and singing until they got there. They went in and bought a box of Redbull and some snacks before going back. They had been gone for nearly an hour when Alex got a text._

**_New message:_ **

**_From: Lynn_ **

**_You gonna bang him?_ **

 

**_New message:_ **

**_From: Jamie_ **

**_You guys fucking?_ **

 

**_New message:_ **

**_From: Melanie_ **

**_What's taking so long? Are you guys okay?_ **

_He shook his head, at the first two and decided to reply to Melanie first._

**_Compose message:_ **

**_To: Melanie_ **

**_Yeah, we're fine, almost back now_ **

 

**_Compose message:_ **

**_To: Lynn_ **

**_I wasn't planning on it_ **

 

**_Compose message:_ **

**_T_ _o: Jamie_ **

**_Nope_ **

_He scrolled through instagram and noticed that Justin was awake, he had just posted something so he decided to text him really quickly._

**_Compose message:_ **

**_To: Justin_ **

**_Hey babe, I saw you were up and I was just wondering how you were doing. I wish you were here with me_ **

_He waited but got no response, not that he would expect one but decided to send another message anyway._

**_Compose message:_ **

**_To: Justin_ **

**_I miss you!_ **

_He put his phone back in his pocket as they reached Jamie's house and he looked over at Evan. Maybe it was the alcohol, the weed, his hormones, or just fact, but he looked really hot. He mentally slapped himself, reminding himself that he had Justin, who still hadn't texted him back. He shook his head and got out of the car, carrying the Redbull inside._

_“Finally you're back, you took forever!” Lynn exaggerated._

_“It was a little over an hour,” he rolled his eyes._

_“Yeah, forever,” she said back._

_He shook his head, putting the Redbull on the counter they were using as a bar and then went and sat back on the couch._

_Lynn soon left, a guy she was currently seeing came to pick her up and Carrie, who stayed for a few more hours of sober up, went home. Jack and Melanie soon went to bed, leaving Alex, Jamie, and Evan who sat on the couches and watched Ridiculousness._

_Lynn returned after a few hours and sat in a chair while Alex and Evan were on one couch and Jamie on the other, watching the same show until it was over and Jackass 3D began. By this time it was past 5 am and they were all tired. Lynn and Jamie went to sleep in Jamie's room, both of them beckoning Alex to follow them._

_“What?” He asked upon entering the room._

_“Are you guys gonna fuck?”_

_“Why do you guys keep asking me that, does it really seem like I'm going to?”_

_“Yes, you're currently emotional, frustrated, both generally and sexually, and we can you the way you keep looking at him; go for it, it's just a one night thing, plus who else is gonna satisfy you, definitely not your boyfriend,” Alex envied the way his cousins could talk about that so nonchalantly, they were encouraging him to cheat on his boyfriend but the way they were saying it was like they were trying to get him to cook chicken nuggets._

_“I, I don't know,” he said._

_“What do you have to lose?”_

_“My boyfriend.”_

_“Alex, you said it yourself, you've been thinking about breaking up with him and there is an attractive guy out there who can please you for just tonight, but it's completely up to you, we're not forcing you into anything,” Jamie said._

_Alex smiled, “night,”_

_“Night Lex,” the girls yelled out to him as he walled back to the living room, still thinking about what they said. He didn't want to cheat on Justin, he cared about the boy a lot, but it had been a while and this is the most attention he'd gotten from a guy in a long time. It's kinda sad when a guy you just met shows you more attention than your boyfriend does. It was hard for him to get rid of the thoughts he was having because it was his cousins who were telling it to him, the people he was closest to, the ones he had always looked up to._

_Wanting to drown out these thoughts, he stopped by the bar they made and grabbed the vodka bottle they had been drinking out of and chugged the rest of it. He then sat back on the couch and continued to watch Jackass with Evan. He began to notice the effects of the alcohol as did Evan when Alex started to laugh harder than normal at the idiots on the Tv. Evan was no longer sober either, after he decided he didn't want to drive home he grabbed the closest paraphernalia to him, which happened to be a bong, and started smoking. Both of them were now laughing even harder than before and Alex was really confused as to why there was something blocking him from talking and breathing out of his mouth, after a while he finally realized that Evan was kissing him. It had been so long since he had been kissed, another thing his boyfriend seemingly forgot how to do, he kissed back at that point no longer caring how far it would go because he needed the attention and everything that came with it, however he could still hear that little voice in his head that was reminding him of Justin. He wanted to tell that voice to fuck off and that Justin didn't care anymore and has probably been cheating on him the whole time. With that in mind, he silenced his mind and let everything continue. The kissing led to more which is why Alex and Evan ended up laying on each other, naked, on Jamie's couch._

\-------------------------------------

Alex laid in his bed alone, remembering that night in full detail. He was disgusted with himself, how could he have done that to Justin? Why did he do that to Justin? Was it the alcohol? The frustration? The fact that this was the first male attention he’d gotten in weeks? His cousin’s pestering him about doing it? It was probably all of the above, he knew he only thought about it because his cousin’s kept bringing it up and he constantly feels the need to impress them. His thoughts were jumbled, all running together, but they all circulated around the only thing he wanted and the one thing he can’t have, Justin. Every time he closed his eyes he could still see the look on Justin’s face when he told him.

\-------------------------------------

_Alex was anxious, Justin was coming over and he knew he’d have to tell him. He was pacing, trying to calm himself down but the guilt was eating him alive. ‘Why did I do it?’ was on repeat in his mind but in all honesty he didn’t know the answer but he wished he did. He knew Justin would ask that very question and he deserved an answer. He almost broke into tears when Justin walked in. He hugged Alex, putting his head on Alex’s shoulder as Alex kissed the top of his head and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly, knowing this may be the last time he will ever get to do so. When they finally separated Justin did what he always did, flopped on Alex’s bed and sprawled out on it, claiming it as his own, which only made Alex feel worse because that could possibly be the last time he ever sees him do it._

_Justin waited for Alex to lay on him like he normally does but it never happened. He rolled onto his side to look at Alex, “Lex, is something wrong?”_

_Alex sighed, ‘it's now or never.’ “We need to talk.”_

_Justin sat up as Alex sat next to him, knowing it was serious. “What’s wrong? Did something happen? Did I do something?” Justin asked frantically._

_“No, it wasn’t you and yes something did happen.”_

_“_ _What happened? When?”_

_“Do you remember when I stayed at my cousin Jamie’s last week?” Justin nodded for him to go on. “Well a friend of her’s came over and he stayed with us.”_

_“He didn’t do anything to you, did he?” Justin interrupted._

_“No, no, he didn’t do anything! Well, I guess technically he did.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I-well-um-there’s no easy way to say this…” he paused and sighed. “Justin, I cheated on you.”_

_Justin’s face fell, it was almost like you could actually see his heart shatter, “what?” “_

_I slept with him that night,” Alex admitted._

_“_ _Why?” Justin quietly asked, looking at the ground._

_“I-I don’t know.”_

_“Am I not enough? I tried to change, to not be an asshole, I-I tried,” he started to cry, “am I not good enough?”_

_“You are, this isn’t your fault, it’s mine. I’m the one who fucked up, I’m the one who’s not good enough for you. You deserve more than me; someone who won’t hurt you and will keep promises. Not someone like me, who cheated on you and doesn’t know why.” Before this Alex wasn’t sure if Justin still even cared about him, let alone love him, but in this moment he knew he was wrong. “I’m sorry. I know this probably sounds like a lie now but I am sorry. I love you and I don’t know why I did it. I’m so fucking sorry.”_

_Justin shook his head, still crying, “I-I gotta go,” he said before running out of Alex’s room._

\-------------------------------------

That was eighteen days ago. It had been eighteen days since Alex last held Justin, but to him it felt like a lifetime. In that eighteen days Alex hadn’t once looked at himself in the mirror, being so disgusted with himself, he just couldn’t. He was a mess and if he was this bad, he couldn’t even imagine how Justin was doing. He decided that for the first time in eighteen days, he would text Justin, only once though. He had to make this text count because it could be the last one he ever sent to Justin because if he told him to go away or leave him alone, he would. He didn’t want to hurt the boy any more than he already had.

**Compose message:**

**To: Justin**

**Justin, I want to start out this message by saying that I love you. You probably won’t believe it, but I do. I wish I would’ve told you that when we were together. But yeah, Justin Foley, I love you. Before I met you I didn’t think I would ever know what love was, but I found it with you. You showed me what it was to live. You gave me hope when I was hopeless. You were there when I wanted to end it all. You saved me. And I know what they say, all good things come to an end. But I don’t want this to end. I know it’s my fault that it did, but I will fight to make things right, so we might have a chance again. I would do anything for you. If you want nothing to do with me, say so. If you want me gone, say so. I will leave if you want me too, I don’t want to hurt you anymore, but until you tell me to leave, I will fight. It has been way too long since I’ve seen, been able to hold you, kiss you and it’s killing me. I love you and I hope some day I have the chance to tell you that in public.**

_**Read at: 6:57 pm** _


	2. Another 18 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We need to talk.

Justin had locked himself in his room. He had no calls, no texts, nothing. He’d been in there for days, only leaving when he was sure everyone in the apartment was asleep. All he had been doing is looking through all the pictures he had of them and all of their texts. As he reread that goddamn text for the umpteenth time, he knew he had to make a decision and it had to be made soon. He started typing but deleted it, he repeated these actions another five or so times before settling and sending the text.

 

**Compose message:**

**To: Alex**

**Meet me at the tracks in 20 min. We need to talk.**

 

He locked his phone and got up, putting clothes on and messing with his hair, wanting to look presentable for Alex, but mainly he just didn’t want Alex to realize how much of a wreck he actually was. He opened his door as quietly as he could and looked around, making sure it was safe for him to exit. When he saw no one he made his escape, getting to the front door as fast and quietly as possible. He opened it and ran out, heading for the train tracks.

Justin knew that Alex would be there before him beings as the boy had a car and he was walking. He used this time to think, what would he say to Alex? Are they going to stay together, or is this the end? He didn’t want them to be over but he also didn’t know how well they would be, trust has obviously been broken, however, he still wanted Alex. Out of all the outcomes that he went through in his head the only thing that stuck was that he wanted Alex. He turned to the dirt road that lead to the tracks. ‘Only a few more minutes to make up your mind.’ He continued walking and trying to come up with a conclusion, but could not. He saw Alex’s car, then he saw Alex. He was sitting on a fence, his back to Justin. He was looking up at the sky, maybe he was admiring the moon, or perhaps the stars. ‘Times up,’ Justin thought as he approached Alex, who turned to look at him having heard footsteps. Justin walked closer and stood next to where Alex sat all was silent until Alex suddenly spoke. 

“It's a shooting star, make a wish.”

Justin looked up at the star. ‘Make a wish they say, but what to wish for,’ he thought. He looked to Alex, who was still looking up, and then he looked back to the ground as the silence became uncomfortable and felt as though it was drowning them. They both wanted it to go away but neither wanted to be the one to break it. Alex sighed and got off the fence, now standing in front of Justin, them eye to eye. 

“We need to talk,” he stated. 

“We do,” Justin agreed. 

“Do you want to talk first or do I? I'm not sure who should, I've never done this before..”

“Nice to know I'm the first person you've cheated on,” Justin said looking into his eyes, anger, confusion, and sadness filled Justin's eyes and Alex’s were sad. 

Alex broke eye contact and looked down,  “I deserve that, I know I do. I fucked up and I don't know why I did it, but I did and there's no way to take it back although I wish there were. You'll probably never trust me again, and I understand that completely. If you're done with me and want me to go, tell me. If you never want to see me again,  tell me to fuck off. I will do what you say because as much as I want to fight for you, I don't want to hurt you.”

“I need to know why. You say you don't know why you did it, but there has to be reasons.”

“It could've been alcohol that caused it, it could've been weed. It could've been my cousins who kept pestering me to do it. It also could've been the fact that he was giving me the most male attention I'd gotten in weeks.”

“What do you mean by ‘the first male attention in weeks’?”

“Well, you never paid attention to me unless we were  alone and when we were alone you were always on your phone. I felt like you didn't care which is why I went through with it, why I let it continue. I told myself that you didn't care and that you were probably cheating on me; that you weren't even into guys and that this whole thing was just a bet,” his voice cracked at the end as he started crying more. 

Justin thought back and realized Alex was right, he was a shitty boyfriend. He ignored Alex if there were other people around and when they were alone he was texting his friends the whole time. No wonder Alex thought that he didn't care. “Then why didn't you say something?”

“I didn't know how.”

“Why didn't you break up with me?”

“Because I love you.”

“Why? Why would you love me? I should mean nothing to you. That's all I am, nothing.”

“You may think you're nothing, but to me you're everything.”

Alex kissed him, hoping he wouldn't push him away, he smiled when he didn't. 

“Justin, I love you. Will you let me love you?”

Justin, who was crying as well, put his head on Alex’s shoulder and nodded. Before whispering, “I don't know what love is, I don't know how to love. I also don't know how to accept love will you show me?”

“Of course.”

They climbed on top of Alex's car and watched the sky. Justin in Alex's arms, trying to stay as warm as possible in the cold night. Alex kissed the top of his head. 

“Hey Justin, guess what.”

“What?”

“My wish came true.”

“Wish? What wish?”

“The shooting star.”

“You wished we would stay together?”

“Yes.”

“Really? Out of everything you could've wished for, it was us to stay together? Why?”

“I already told you, I love you. You mean the world to me.”

Justin smiled at him but Alex could tell he didn't believe him. He knew there was nothing he could do but wait, wait until Justin got used to having someone care about him, until he got used to love. 

They both looked at the sky, sitting on a car in a cold May night. Cuddled up together, holding each other tightly. The silence was no longer uncomfortable but instead it was peaceful. 

“I never want to spend another eighteen days away from you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thank you for reading! Please leave me requests either in the comments here, on my tumblr ( i--ship--it.tumblr.com/ask ), or my wattpad ( @__I_Ship_It__ )


End file.
